The Big F-U

Yeah....F-U....I said it, I meant it. Sometimes, there is no other option. There are days, times, incidents, issues that just warrant an F-U. Right?

They annoy, stress, push, frustrate, or maybe even scare you; so, the F-U must be pulled out. It doesn't matter who else is involved, or who else is around. The F-U may be caused by family, friends, co-workers, boss. Everyone ends up getting an F-U at some point, and most of the time...they really deserve it!!!! You may be worried that you could get in trouble for pulling it out. But, you might find that everyone else wanted to put it out there and just didn't have the "oomph" to do it. Taking that initiative may actually change others' opinion of you.

Don't act surprised, don't act mortified, disgusted, uncomfortable. Close that slack-jaw!!!! There is nothing wrong with telling some that you may need to Follow-Up. Never be afraid of the F-U, it might just make your day!!!!

Are You There, God? It's Me, Helen.....

So, I'm beyond the point where my friends have all started their period or I must increase my bust. But, why hasn't Judy Blume come up with the follow-up (other than "Wifey"), and created a guidebook for future phases of life.

And, what about the authors of "What to Expect When You Are Expecting"? What happened to the follow-up versions, "What to Expect When They Are Out"?, or "What to Expect When They Talk Back"?, or "What to Expect When They Grow Up and You Wish They Needed You As Much As They Used To"?......

So, do I have to do this myself? Hmmmm.....my sister is an editor/publisher/author advisor....etc. Mayhaps I should propose this? I can even add in the aspects of dealing with IEPs, 504s, Docs, medical thrills......I've got some personal experience and educational background there.

Regardless.......Please, please, please God....... don't turn me into the parent of teenagers.

Can you feel that?

....it's a shift ....it's a change ....can you feel it?
I can. I feel it and it may only get worse until the shift splits the path.
It's called adolescence.... or pre-adolescence for now.
What does this mean, how is it defined? Some see it as a time of stress, frustration, growth, independence. There is foot stomping, door slamming, the hand on that one hip that is sticking out, the crossed arms. There is yelling, blame, tears. Quotes may be "I hate you", "You're ruining my life", "You don't understand". That is what people think of or fear about what is coming.
For me, there is a different shift that is turning out to be more painful than that other adolescent stuff. It is the shifting of pill-counting, neb scheduling, worry, and stress over Cystic Fibrosis. For the first time, this last appointment was really hard on Ginny. They are always tiring, stressful, exhausting both emotionally and physically. But, there was something different this time. Cystic Fibrosis is shifting more to a problem she has to deal with. It's always been hers, but the burden has been mostly mine.
It is breaking my heart to watch her feel this more heavily, to cry that she "just wants to be normal!!!" It isn't fair, it does suck, it is annoying and frustrating. It always has been..... but, now it isn't just the physical issues for her. It is moving to a much deeper place for her, and that is pulling pain from deep within me.

Oh, the Agony of...

de feet, de knee, de elbow, de shoulder. What the heck's happening to me? Dare I say that my aging self is getting old. And, am I turning into my mother by telling you about it?

What's next? Ben-Gay, Depends, an Orthopedic Doc on speed dial? :)
Did you know that just after I turned 40, I got a letter from AARP? Are you F-ING SERIOUS???? My name shouldn't be on that spam list for QUITE some time. They must've realized their mistake because I didn't hear from them again, but dang, they really know how to hurt a girl.

Have I told you that oftentimes...in fact, most of the time, I'm asked for my ID at restaurants and the wine store? Have I told you how disappointing it is that it's because I put "request ID" on the back of all of my credit cards?

I am now starting to understand the need for Dr. Wrinkle Remover. I don't care if my face cracks and doesn't show emotion anymore. Suddenly, the concept makes sense. Luckily, I'm broke so I can't give in to the urge to have things ironed out, lifted up, and tucked in.

Too Old or Too High Tech?

Which is it?
Am I getting old? I'm having trouble remembering my username/password. Is it serious? Do I need to get to a Neurologist for testing?
OR
Is it that fact that I have 4 email accounts, 2 blogs, 3 Social Networking sites, 3 Wiki sites, 1 Social Bookmarking site, 5 financial institutes.....and, that doesn't even touch on all of my online shopping sites.....could that be part of the problem? I don't always sign up with the same email account, and I don't want to use my financial passwords for my social networking sites, and some of them are work-related sites....

Oh, the angst of being one of such high intellect, technical savvy, and mass popularity. Now, can someone tell my how to work these damn motion sensor nightlights!?!

I would do ANYTHING to help my Dad!

In recent years, I have taken vacation days from work and have gone to Florida to:
-help my Dad set up new computers and transfer files
-been his HelpDesk when there have been technical difficulties (mainly user error)
-spent a week helping him get around and do his physical therapy after knee replacement

He has recently made another request of me. Though I am tired, taking on more work responsibilities, back in school, and want to save vacation days, I just don't think I can deny him this request. He called me the other day, and in order to maintain his platinum level status in his travel club, he must go to London......England, that is. He would like me to go with him.

*SIGH*

Once again, I will sacrifice for my father the way my parents sacrificed for me.

What gives you the creeps?

So, let's think about this for a moment....
I get creeped out by:
spider-cricket things that we call "hoppers"
dead animals in my chimney
live animals in my house.... bats & squirrels
people that I don't want to have anything to do with showing up at my door...
nail fungus
pimples on the ass of humanity.....

But, how we handle what creeps us out is what really matters. Do we vomit, curl up in the fetal position, scream, cry? We may do all of the above or a combination, thereof. But, hopefully, we get through it and handle it.

Regardless of how skeeved out we may be, we push through. We allow ourselves the time to have the fetal-curling, screaming, vomitrotious moments. Then.....we move on....we persevere, and show what we are made of.

How skeeved out are you right now, and how do you handle it?

He's gone and done it now!!!!!

My baby....my sweet baby.....he went and graduated from 8th grade......from the school he's been attending since kindergarten!!! I can't believe he's growing up.
He's so smart, so cool, so quick. He's strong and is doing such a great job working on asserting himself.
He will go to high school in the fall. HIGH SCHOOL!!!!! That's so crazy! I feel so guilty for sending him to public school, but a public high school??? What kind of horrible parent am I? But, it's a really great school.....one of the 3 in the county that I would trust. South River High School is big and will be a culture shock. I think he can handle it, but can I??? We shall see.

Congratulations to my graduate!!!!!!!
(pics coming soon)

Whoa! Seriously??

I'm turning 40 in 8 days????? Are you kidding me? I mean, my thirties sucked, but am I really ready for my 40s?? Crap-Dog!!!! I'm not really a grown up yet.
I have a grown up job.
My children are growing up, one is going to High School....really? That's nuts!
I own a home, and have for the last 5 years.
I've got a retirement fund building.
I'm going back to school in the fall for a graduate certificate.
I've got plans for my future.
What the hell???? This can't be possible because all of those things indicate that I may be an adult. And, THAT....is insane!!!!!

Once again, welcome to my insanity!

Who's responsible?

Is it me?
Am I responsible for the 40 lbs I gained?
Am I responsible for my divorce?
Am I responsible for turning 40?
Am I responsible for all of my poor choices?
AM I A SCREW-UP????

Yes, I'm responsible for a lot of this. It's my life, and I've screwed it up. Is it my fault that I haven't been to a dentist in 3 years and I have an appointment tomorrow for a deep cleaning due to my pre-periodontal "issues"? Tomorrow is my phase I, and the right side of my face will be numbed for this deep scaling.......and 2 weeks from now, will be the left side. WOW!

Bottom line, am I proud of my lack of action toward taking care of myself over the last year....dentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually? Yeah, that last one......I take full responsiblity for. I don't want God in my life right now because I'm afraid he'll see what a screw-up I am.

So, again, I ask you........Am I a screw-up? Has HE noticed? Will HE still help me if I ask?

I was a Bride

17 years ago today, I was a bride.
Now, I am a single mother of 2 kids. I'm alone in my house, there are thunderstorms outside. I've been on a crying jag all weekend and couldn't figure out why. Then, I looked at today's date.
No one called me, no one acknowledged the day....but, there is no reason to. It's irrelevant that 17 years ago, I was in a wedding dress, my sister was a Maid of Honor, my brother was in a suit, my mother wore Oleg Cassini, and my father looked stunning in his dress uniform. No one cares, no one remembers, but it was supposed to be "the happiest day of my life".
Note to Brides: Pick a different day to label the happiest. It is, after all, just a day.

A Great Loss

At least 27 years ago, my ex-Father-in-Law, George, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and shared that information with his son. When I first met George he walked on 1 cane, then moved to 2 canes and was an Eagle-eyed father of a college-aged son.
He gave us heck as we dated, laughed when I "bippety-bopped" across the room and threw my fist into his son's shoulder when he made a "silly statement", and turned his head as he caught us getting to know each other better.
We visited him in Philly when we first got together, then Florida after they moved to Amelia Island, and in Vermont every summer for the family event.
He had the pleasure of seeing his first grandchild, Drew..........the grandson, at an early age. Drew was put on the tray of his wheelchair while grabbing his Grandfather's beard. Even up until this past February of 2008, he enjoyed the visits of his grandchildren. Ginny would try to kiss him, but was too short reach him. He used to say "Pucker up, Long Lips!" So, little Ginny would stretch her lips and give him kisses, sometimes with the help of her Dad lifting her up........but, she was always Long Lips!
For years, George has been close to the end of his life. He said goodbye last year, and allowed organ failure to rush his body to the hospital. He had cancerous tumors in his lungs which should've been the final straw for his weak body.........he made it through. He had organ failure, which caused his weak body to be rushed to the hospital so he could die. He managed to live through each of those.
Last Feburary (2007), George was admitted to the hospital with organ failure. He was inchoherent, and talking about being taken away. George was given a dose of medication which brought him about. The day after his goodbyes, George was eating Pork Chops. This is one of our favorite stories of him and his strength.

Today, Sunday, March 2, 2008, George was rushed to the hospital with organ failure once again. We all waited for word. His eldest son, and father of my 2 kids - Drew & Ginny, flew down once again to be with his Mother. We waited to hear that he had once again regained concisousness and was ready for his Pork Chops. We are still waiting to hear those words. ALAS, those words have not come.

Today, Sunday March 2, 2008 after 3:00 pm EST, George let go of the pain in his body. His wife was by his side and his grandchildren were waiting to hear that he was ready for his next meal.

George passed away today and has left all of us to deal with that sadness. While shocked that he finally let go, the family has to deal with the emptiness of life without him. George is finally able to rest in peace and support his family in the way he has been wanting to for years.

God Bless George Lavino - Husband, GrandFather, Father, Father-in-law, Amazing Strength...

Shape Up!!!

When my sister and brother were staying here, we stumbled upon an area in which I have a defecit. Now, there aren't many, so this came as shock to us all.

Apparently, I am not spatially in tuned with items. So, this may not explain why I trip over things or bump into walls since those usually occur after a wild & crazy night with friends. But, we discovered this was an issue after attempting to put leftovers into storage containers. I've got a cabinet full of containers and lids that NEVER seem to match. It is the most frustrating thing, and I dread leftovers because of it.

So as I was in MY kitchen, attempting to CLEAN UP by pulling out lid after lid to fit on top of the stinkin' container, my sister was staring at me, smirking.........yes, I believe she was laughing at me. I believe her words were "you're trying to fit square lids onto a round container"

Well!!!! Good thing they don't make me match shapes at Johns Hopkins University's Center for Technology in Education! I fully intend to blame this inability on my parents for not providing proper educational toys for me as a child. I was the middle child, after all! ;)

Baby Got Big Feet!

Upon returning home after running around at work all day, then grocery shopping, my feet were fatigued. I had heels on, but needed to go back into the cold weather to retrieve the groceries from the car. By the front door were a pair of my son's sneakers which would fit the bill.....or so I thought.

I slipped my feet into them knowing that I'd only need them for a trip or two outside. They were too big!!!!! MY ALMOST 14 YEAR OLD SON'S SHOES WERE TOO BIG!!!! And, that was the pair he told me was getting a bit tight.

What the Heck????!!!!????

Well, you know what they say about a guy with big feet......................big shoes..........