Well, it did something....

Ok, so my previous post was about "how to and what would" motivate me to do something about my weight. I thought maybe I would need to post a picture of myself in workout clothing for the world to see, post my weight, cry and say I want to do this just as they do on The Biggest Loser. I decided not to do that. Actually, I didn't really decide to do anything. But, I have tried something I've been thinking about for some time.

I've got a lot of shows on TV that I like. I Tivo them so I don't have to watch commercials or so that I can watch those that I would miss. I love Reality TV and catch almost all of those. I like the evening dramas, too: Brothers & Sisters, Housewives, Grey's, Private Practice...well, you get the idea. I like TV. I do multi-task when I watch TV. I'm usually doing something on the computer. But, there are times that I'm just piddling or playing around on the computer. I don't HAVE to be on the computer. So, I wondered what would happen if I put a condition on my shows. I can watch them from the recumbent bike. Not all of them, although I'd probably lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks :).

So, 4 times since my Tuesday blog, I watched a show from my bike. It was actually pretty easy. During one of the shows, I did 40 minutes. I don't think this would work as well while watching a soap opera, or Rachael Ray. Those are slow-paced. I have been doing it through shows like Castle, and the Forgotten....those can be intense, exciting, fast-paced, even a bit of ass-kicking being done. Now, THAT'S how to get pumped! So, rather than mindlessly watching TV, I am mindlessly riding my bike....while watching TV. Not so bad. A friend gave me a good tip and suggested that I not make a goal of "X" mins per day, but "X" mins per week. That way, I won't feel like a failure if I only do 15 minutes one day. I still did something toward my goal of 100 minutes per week.

THINKABOUT: Do I love it? Nope! Do I hate it? Not really. Can I do it? Well, I am right now. I'll take that for what it is and keep trying.

How did this happen?

How did I get so heavy? Well, I mean....I know how it happened.....so, maybe I should be asking myself why? And, why can't I get myself to stop? At least I have stopped gaining weight...it only took 3 years and 50 lbs. I've quit some bad habits, but added others which is how I got here.
"Two Roads diverged...." Robert Frost
Why didn't I take the other one? Well, I can't change what I did. But, I really should try to see if I can find my way back to that spot rather than just sitting on the large bottom that I have given myself.

So..............
I'm watching The Biggest Loser because I'm a Reality TV junkie. The big question was whether or not these folks would get up in front of the family, friends, and community with their shirts off, and bellies hanging out as they stepped on the scale and announced their starting weight.

What I really should do is challenge myself. I should post a picture of myself in shorts and a cropped workout tank along with my starting weight. Will that make me do anything about it? Is that motivating? Would people support me, or just kind of let it go because they don't want to embarrass me? I could even allow myself to watch my favorite TV only if I'm on my recumbent bike. I wouldn't have to go fast and furious.....just go, at this point!

Well....I'm going to think about this.....yanno.....weigh my options (OMG, I am funny!). I'll let you know what I come up with.

An Ode to Panties

I dream of panties
pretty, lacy, and small;
Not the ones that look like my Granny's
I don't like those at all.

But, I pluck and pull
to make them fit right;
Now, I'm starting to mull,
"Is it really worth the fight?"

I want something that won't roll down,
maybe something that won't pinch;
Not bloomers that belong to a clown,
why can't it just be a cinch?

So, I pull out the briefs
cotton, white, and boring;
Oh my Goodness Grief!
How will I ever be alluring?

Do you know why..........? Because.....

Do you know why Weight Watchers doesn't work for me?
Because.......
Because I don't follow the program. I don't journal, read labels, figure out points, or weigh food to re-gain knowledge of portion control.

Do you know why I don't follow the program?
Because.......
Because I'm not motivated. I want to be. I want to be able to walk up the stairs without getting winded. I want to get off my blood pressure medication. I want to come home and wear what I had on during the day instead of changing into sweatpants.

Do you know why I'm not motivated?
Because.......
I'm stuck on this one. I have 2 great kids, 2 great puppies, a home of my own, and a job that I love. It's not a perfect life...there is debt, home & car repairs, parental angst. But, I'm generally pleased with my life.

So.....if you know why? ...... please, clue me in....
Because.......
Because I'm not sure.

What Shape Are You?

Are you pear shaped?
Hour-glass shaped?
What about the inverted triangular shape?
You can often find clothing which best suits your shape, so this is information you need to know!
Have you got a big belly?
Are you chesty?
Have you got junk in your trunk?
Are you short, stout, and roundabout?
What shape is THAT?!?
What if you are all of that, or God Forbid....NONE of that!?!
Well, here is what I have determined:
I am Helen-Shaped.
I used to have smaller areas, now I have bigger ones. I'm a size 16, not a size 8 anymore. I would like to know when the catalogs will add helen-shaped to their clothing choices...the talk shows will address the helen-shapes out there for makeovers.....when will they tell helen-shapers what not to wear?
I am Helen-shaped.
Welcome to my world.

I've discovered something...

You can't drive down the highway at 40 miles per hour and switch to reverse.

No, I did not learn this in the car, that is a metaphor. I learned this through experience with my weight. Last year, after some personal heartbreak, family stress, and other external problems, I had a medical issue. It's called THE CREEPS! I had the creeps, my weight was creeping, creeping, and creeping up. I gained 40 lbs over the last year. The Creeps really suck!!!

You can't go from steadily gaining weight to reverse and losing it at the same pace. One must first stop, get into neutral, then you can move into reverse and slowly back up. I started on Jenny Craig in March. Since then, I've not even lost a full 10 lbs. I have been frustrated, annoyed, and really angry with myself for not steadily losing 1 - 2 lbs. per week.

Guess what??!!?? I need to slow down, stop, get into neutral, then....and ONLY then, will I be able to go into reverse.

So, now I will be grateful for the 8 lbs. I've lost and the fact that I'm no longer heading down that highway at the maximum speed. I need to get comfortable with where I am so that I can switch comfortably into reverse. THAT IS MY NEW PLAN!

I am working on taking out some of the bad (fast food), and adding the good (Jenny Craig & salads). I've been increasing my fruit, and found a great salad bar near my work that isn't too expensive.

Here are some of the good & bad coming up:
When the kids are with me, I will have to get up at 5:00am to get Drew to the bus stop. That will suck! However, I will have a chance to get on the recumbent bike and/or balance ball with weights during that early morning time before I take my shower and get Ginny up to leave with her.
I start classes on Tuesday nights and will need to avoid the fast food for dinner in between work & class.

Happy I go with my stop & neutral positions until I'm ready to hit reverse. Good luck to me!

How much does it weigh?

Well, isn't that the ultimate question!!!!!
I'm so focused on my weight......or, overweight...... at this time. But, maybe I really need to weigh the other things in my life!
I don't know that I really can give a specific weight to things, but I can at least give it a High, Medium, Low, don't ya think????!!!!!!????

Child #1 hitting the teen years: OMG!!!!!
Child #2 leaving the single digits: Time to Pass Out!!!!!
Being a Recorded CD Artist: HIGH
Living Through a difficult job: LOW
Dealing with my children's change in their personal time: LOW
The private school my children have gone to that I worked in and have supported over the years going in a very different direction which doesn't match our needs: LOW

MOVING ON:
Getting my dream job: HIGH
My Finances: MEDIUM (so much better than the lower than low that has been in that area for YEARS!!!!!!)
Potential Finances: HIGH!!!!!
Less than 9 months from turning 40:

• PHYSICALLY: I'm falling apart! It seems as though something new makes a creaking sound each day :)
• MENTALLY: I can't even wait!!!!! I've heard so many great things about turning 40! I just know that it has to be better than what I've been dealing with in my 30s.

New Job: HIGH

• Wow! There are so many potentials for me! In terms of my education, personal growth, professional growth, and potential!

Thanks for making my hapiness factor feel so heavy! My job can be easy-going or LIGHT-WEIGHT, but can also have busy times which are HEAVY on the calendar. But, I must tell you that both scenarios make me feel strong.

Well, isn't that the ultimate question? Which weighs more....... a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks? I feel like I've got an equal load :)........go figure!!!!