When did Cystic Fibrosis get here?

I know Ginny was diagnosed when she was 3 months old. It's a genetic disease, thus determined from conception. Before we knew it was CF, there were many tests done while in the hospital to figure out why she wasn't gaining weight, had anemia, vitamin E deficiency, etc. Once diagnosed and on the correct meds, things improved and life settled in.

Over the years, Ginny has had colds, coughs, strep, ear infections, etc. Those have been easily resolved with anti-biotics. Her lung function (PFTs) has always been in the 107% - 118% - ideally, you want your lungs to function at 100% so she's been in GREAT shape!

Ginny's weight was a struggle until they introduced us to "the hungry pill" (don't remember the medical name). The goal was to have her BMI above the 50th percentile. She was usually no higher than the 20th until that medication. They had started hinting at a G-tube, but we told them to come up with something else. They did. Within 4 months of being on "the hungry pill", her BMI% shot from 21% to 49%.

Don't get me wrong.....we've had our stressors and struggles with all of the appts, meds issues, germ warfare, insurance, trying to gain weight, trying to kick colds/coughs, etc. But, after the initial difficulties, we settled into daily life with CF......

...... That is, until her PFTs dropped to 89%....... we upped her meds, increased nebs, added Cipro and were to return in 1 month to check again............ they dropped to 81%...... *THUD*.....

She was admitted to the hospital -
She was in for 1 week of IV anti-biotics, respiratory therapy 4x/day, Chest PT 3x/day, and food galore. Just as she was finishing breakfast, snack would arrive - when that was done, lunch was delivered and all meals/snacks were wrapped around all of the other therapies. She has come home with a PICC line so she can continue the IV anti-biotics. There are 4 per day and we had to really schedule things carefully to fit them in with the proper spacing between - not to mention that thing called school, maybe even life.


Guess I can no longer live in my happy, little denial about CF. It's always been there, but now it's sitting at the table.

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Taming of the Dew - Part III

*BEFORE READING THIS, PLEASE SEE "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND - THE TAMING OF THE DEW - PART I & II" - IT WON'T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT THEM*
Okay, I haven't done this in forever, but I need to close it out so I can blog about all the other stuff going on.

When last we left our heroine, there was a phalanx of men with tools - ripping, sanitizing, examining, evaluating, and itemizing. Over $3,000 had already been spent and estimates were being calculated by the thousands. Troy, the sewer technician, was estimating the cost of ripping out 1-2 dogwood trees, tearing up a portion of the cemented, tiered walkway, and digging down 10-12 feet just to get to the pipe which needed replacement - with a minimum price tag of $10,000. Alan, the BGE guy, was pricing the replacement of a compressor (the most expensive repair possible when an a/c goes kaput, but he might be able to get it under $3,000).

On to the FINALE:

There I was, waiting for another $15,000+ worth of repair estimates to be thrown at me. Alan, the BGE guy, came in after having spoken to his warranty/parts department. Tim, the Servpro guy sanitizing my basement, was coming up the stairs at the same time.

HERE'S where things REALLY get crazy............

Alan tells me that the previous owners DID get the extended warranty. The replacemenet of the compresser would be done at NO COST to me. That means, the potential $3,000 a/c repair has ended up as a $0 estimate. He came in and made this statement aloud. There would be NO COST to repair my a/c. I looked at Alan, admitted that I didn't know him that well, but that I really wanted to kiss him. Tim from Servpro, who had just charged me $2500 to rip the crap (literally) out of my basement, just looked at him. Tim's response, "Great. You make the rest of us look bad.".........fer sure!!! Alan's big-ass repair was going to cost NOTHING!

*whew*

Troy came in after examining the option of destroying my front walk, 2 trees, and digging a 12-foot trench in my front yard. The look on his face was very confused as he told me that he thinks his machine was picking up my solar lighting features. He took the search for the underground beacon out to the backyard. Lo, and Behold........... the sewer line went out the back of the house, past the walk-out portion of the basement. The pipe was right next to the foundation of my deck, but the cost went from $10,000+ to just under $5,000.

*Wow!*

New estimates:
A/C repair = $0 rather than $3000
pipe dig-up/replace = $5000 rather than $10000+
downstairs devoid of sewage = priceless

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Taming of the Dew - Part II

*BEFORE READING THIS, PLEASE SEE "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND - THE TAMING OF THE DEW - PART I" - IT WON'T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT IT*

So, the Friday craziness continues. Quick Recap: Brad the Plumber snaked my sewer line - $550 and Tim & Israel started cleaning up the aftermath once I paid $2500 up front....they gotta have payment up front because they aren't offering a product that can be re-possessed....and it's not like they can shoot your crap back into your house.

So, the next one to arrive was Troy. Troy is a Sewer Technician with myPlumber. He brought the camera to snake down the sewer line to confirm it was all cleared out and see if there were any tree roots or blockage. He fed the camera down the line and had a portable screen. Tim (from Servpro) and I couldn't help ourselves....we had to watch. I mean, how often do you get to see the inner bowels of your house. With fascination, Tim and I looked at the screen as it made it's way through the pipe. It was just a pipe, nothing interesting ...then.....EWWWWWW....... we both looked away as the camera came upon some messy stuff. Tim suggested that we stop watching, I agreed :).

Tim & Israel continued to soak up and sanitize my basement. Troy came up to announce there were tree roots in my line and that it was 90% blocked.... the roots were like fingers just waiting to catch anything that came by. The camera has a beacon on the end of it which was left at the roots while he took a machine outside to pick up the signal. He did this so they would know where to dig to get to the pipe to replace it.....GREAT! That won't be expensive or anything!!!

Remember that I originally stayed home on Friday for my A/C to be repaired? Well, while Troy was outside and Tim was going in and out of the house as he disposed of items, Alan from BGE Home arrived. When I explained that the A/C was tripping the breakers whenever it turned on, he expressed his hope that it was just a short somewhere and not the compressor. Thanks....I really need to worry about THIS worst-case scenario, too! Whatever!

Within the first 5 minutes, Alan was able to tell that it was the compressor which led me to share my sob story with HIM! Wow....he said....yes...Wow... The compressor would be a few thousand to repair. Because I have the service contract with them, labor would be free and I would get a discount on parts which could drop it closer to a couple thousand....great, thanks! Alan asked if I had the warranty information on it because most systems come standard with a 5-year warranty. No, I don't have that information and I've lived here for 7 years and how do I find out how old the system is and if an extended warranty was purchased? (Because I needed one more thing to research and make calls about right now). Alan told me that he would call the service department, find out any warranty information, and get the repair quote...might take about 15 mins....Okay......great.....I'll miss you while you're gone....... *sigh*

While Alan was in his truck racking up my next bill, Troy asked me to come out front to talk about my tree roots and his findings. Along the walkway to my house are 2 dogwood trees. There's some sort of water main type thingie to the left of them. Troy told me the beacon was responding just under the dogwoods...... that would mean the pipe is coming from my basement out the front of my house which is not a walk-out. That means the pipe is about 10-15 feet down and to get to it, I would lose 1, maybe both dogwoods...... this would be a 5-digit job....ummmm...that means $10,000 or more....... GREAT!!!! I had just spent over $3000 on the snaking and the clean-up and I was informed of my layoff less than 24 hours prior to this...... what's another $10k......, along with the pending compressor estimate.......... THAT'S IT!!!!! I can't do this anymore....I just can't do it....I can't afford any of this.... I wish I lived somewhere else!!!!!

But, I don't! I live here, and it is mine to deal with. So, I shall deal....*breathe*

*TO BE CONTINUED*
Please....bear with me....the fun stuff is yet to come....really.... I promise....this IS a sitcom!

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Taming of the Dew - Part I

*BEFORE READING THIS, PLEASE SEE "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND - THE MORNING DEW COMETH" - IT WON'T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT IT*

Friday, April 9, 2010 was quite the adventure! I had so many men rolling through my doors that it MUST have impressed my neighbors!.... either that or generated TONS of sympathy!

My first man of the day was Brad, the plumber. Brad arrived with scary, crazy-loud equipment to snake my line...... I really don't want to know too much about that! Upon hearing the story of my previous 24 hours, he knocked 10% off the price of the "sewer-line snaking". Thank you Brad!!!!
While Brad was here, Tim and Israel from Servpro arrived. Now I had TWO service vehicles out front of my house. They instructed me and my brother (okay, mainly my brother because my head was swimming in all of the crap...) to begin removing everything from the storage area.....EVERYTHING??!!?? Do you mean 7 years worth of storage and junk that I just kept dumping in there??? Time to clear out all the junk I'd dumped since my sewer line decided to take a "dump" on my stuff.. (actually, it didn't take so much as it gave!). Items from the damaged area which had not been in contact with the contaminated material would go into the finished area of the basement which had been spared. Sewage soaked items were escorted outside.
As I finish up and pay ($550 on credit card!) Brad's work, Tim was surveying the poopy damage with Israel and determining the course of action....and the cost!!! Brad left with the promise that a camera crew would be coming out to run a camera through my line to see exactly what/where the blockage was. GREAT!!! A whole-house colonoscopy! Pretty!

So, I call the insurance company to update the claim submitted the night before with the additional "crap".....BTW, in case you hadn't caught on, there were so many "crap" jokes flung around that day, it was a "stinkin' " riot!!! While I'm on the phone with the insurance company, Tim from Servpro tells me that he needs to speak to them so he can get approval to begin the work. No problem, I've got her on the phone so this would be the perfect time.....NOT!!! She tells me that she can't approve the clean-up because she doesn't know if the blockage was in my line or beyond mine and into the county. WHAT??!!?? My basement if full of water and sewage....visible sewage.....I'm supposed to wait for the whole-house colonoscopy??? That wasn't going to happen for about 4 more hours.........and my house STINKS!!!!! Sewage en masse in an enclosed area is not very pleasant....

Here's the deal with Servpro.......they won't begin the clean up until there is insurance approval or payment up-front....and my insurance wouldn't approve it...and I'm broke and have just been laid off.....Sometimes, life is priceless...thank you MasterCard.... Heck! What's another $2600? ...... Put that on the credit card since the insurance company won't fight for me as I put in a call to Brad - myPlumber..... He calls back and I tell him that I had to pay Servpro upfront so they could start the work and my insurance won't cover it unless the blockage was on my end, not the county.... "No problem" says Brad. "Have the adjuster call me and I will confirm the blockage is on your end"........... Again, Thank You, Brad!!!!

In the meantime, since I'd handed over the plastic and signed off my life - Tim & Israel put a plastic tarp down across the floor of the basement's finished area from interior door to exterior door. Love them!!! We could haul my "crap" outside without dropping it in the "clean" area!

*TO BE CONTINUED*

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Morning Dew Cometh

*BEFORE READING THIS, PLEASE SEE "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND - THE DAY OF" - IT WON'T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT IT*

So, after cleaning up the sewage spew of the previous evening, I was first on the list for the plumber on Friday morning. Before Drew left for the day, I asked him to take a peek at the basement to see if there had been any further sewage flooding. Ummmm..........................

*MORE BAD NEWS*

The landing, powder room, and ENTIRE laundry/storage area was a puddle of water & sewage....ah Poop! The toilet had erupted a sewage volcano. How did I get SO lucky!!!
My A/C broke, I got laid off, and there was Lake Poopy in my basement.
Work from home/Air repair day had turned into mourning the loss of my job and wallowing in crap. I had more men coming through my door than a sorority house on a Friday night, only none of them were drunk.
The day began with a 7:00am call to myPlumber as I was already first on the list. When I explained the situation had gotten worse, they were VERY sympathetic and helpful. They asked if it was something I could clean up myself or would I need a water mitigation company.....a what?? They work with Servpro and would call them and get the ticket started for me. THANK YOU!!! Nice! One less call I had to make.
The best call I made that day was to my brother. I asked for help.....I'm not so good at that. When I first called him he asked me what I needed him to do. I couldn't tell him....all I could say was that I had no A/C, was losing my job, and had a basement full of crap. I didn't know what I needed except to call the plumber. After calling them and realizing that Servpro would be coming out to rip up and clean out my basement, I knew what I needed. I called Charles back and asked if he could come over and help me move my belongings out and go through damaged items. My brother took the day off work to come over and slosh through my basement, help with the physical moving of my belongings, but mainly.... I needed him for me, to be the stability, the person unattached to the possessions, the person who could answer questions when my mind had enough. He was all that and more. It was as though he picked me up and carried me around in his arms that day......and we had a really great time together! I know that sounds crazy considering all that was going on; but, because we were together, I was able to laugh through the tears, stress, and the crap that was consuming my day.

*PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER IN "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND"*

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Day Of

*BEFORE READING THIS, PLEASE SEE "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND - THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM" - IT WON'T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT IT*

Thank goodness for my service contract with BGE Home, they told me they could come out on Friday, and it would not cost me a thing to have the problem diagnosed. They would do the annual inspection and cleaning at the same time which might fix the problem. *Awesome!* Wouldn't that be great! Thanks!!!!

I put in the request to work from home on Friday so I could wait my turn for the tech who would arrive at some point between 8:00 & 5:00....way to narrow it down! A rather sympathetic understanding of the need to address the situation led to the approval of working from home. See, I work with people that have also had the pleasure of "home-ownership drama". It just sucks, and we all know it! I went to work knowing that I didn't have to worry about the A/C for the day. I could put it aside, and know that it would be waiting for me to deal with on Friday.

At least I could focus on work.......not so much! The afternoon of Thursday, April 8, I was told that my grant ended in November 2009 (which I knew), and there is no further funding for me (which I didn't know, but was scared of). My contract that goes through June 30, 2010 will not be renewed. My skills, and the things I do are not a fit for the work needed to be done. There aren't enough full-time, project-manager level tasks to justify my employment during times of budget cuts and lost grant funding.
I DO NOT HAVE A JOB PAST JUNE 30, 2010. Well, that sucks!

Sucks though it may, I didn't feel the need to throw myself on the floor and cry, panic, scream. That was a bit more energy than I felt needed to be expended. Good thing I held back.....

When I got home, the kids told me that the downstairs toilet had backed up which led to a water/sewage flood. When you walk downstairs, there is a landing/foyer area, with a powder room straight ahead. To the right, behind a closed door is the finished basement. When you go down the stairs, to the left, there is another door which leads to the laundry room and storage area. Sooooooooooo............ the sewage back-up was in the powder room, foyer, and a portion of the laundry/storage area.

WOW!!!!!!!! My A/C busted, I got laid off, and came home to shit in my basement in less than 24 hours...........now that's a bummer of a day!!!!

*PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER IN "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND"*

The 24-Hour Whirlwind - The Calm Before the Storm

In our lives, there are certain events, or series of events which suck. They are upsetting, stressful, ridiculous, etc. Some of these incidents cause friends to say, "well, you'll look back at this in 5 years and laugh". But, have you ever had a series of events occur in a 24 hour period that would be too much to handle over the course of a year?

Well, let me tell you about a 24 hour period that was so full of shit that you won't believe me. You literally will not believe me! You will think I'm exaggerating, embellishing the truth, or flat out lying. I assure you, my friends, the following is all true. No creative license has be taken to embellish the truth.

After being pounded with chains of blizzards and feet of snow, the Mid-Atlantic region broke yet another weather record. We broke the high temperatures last week by getting into the 90s in early April. It became ghastly hot on Tuesday, April 6th. I had not used my heat in a month and wasn't even CLOSE to ready for the air conditioning, so I refused to turn it on. I put on a fan and peeled off outer layers. I made it through the night, and toddled off to work the next morning feeling proud of my success. Wednesday was another ghastly hot day. When I got home from work, it was 80 degrees in my house, and the afternoon sun was beating through the windows. On Tuesday, it had been just me, but the kids were home on Wednesday.

When the temperature got up to 84, I broke and turned on the air conditioning (henceforth, to be referred to as the A/C). A cool-down was forecast for Thursday evening and Friday so I knew we would be able to head back toward saving electricity for the good of the planet, and my big-ass electric bill.

About an hour after turning on the A/C, I noticed that it didn't feel much warmer. Checking the temperature revealed that it was still 84 degrees. My wonderful son, Drew, checked the fuse box and reset the breakers for me. Thank God that was an easy one.....But, Wait!!!! No, the breakers tripped every time the A/C went on. That was one HOT night! Fans and light clothing wasn't really enough.....little did I know this would be the least interesting, stressful, or difficult thing that would happen to me in 24 hours.

---

*PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER IN "THE 24-HOUR WHIRLWIND"*

How did this happen?

How did I get so heavy? Well, I mean....I know how it happened.....so, maybe I should be asking myself why? And, why can't I get myself to stop? At least I have stopped gaining weight...it only took 3 years and 50 lbs. I've quit some bad habits, but added others which is how I got here.
"Two Roads diverged...." Robert Frost
Why didn't I take the other one? Well, I can't change what I did. But, I really should try to see if I can find my way back to that spot rather than just sitting on the large bottom that I have given myself.

So..............
I'm watching The Biggest Loser because I'm a Reality TV junkie. The big question was whether or not these folks would get up in front of the family, friends, and community with their shirts off, and bellies hanging out as they stepped on the scale and announced their starting weight.

What I really should do is challenge myself. I should post a picture of myself in shorts and a cropped workout tank along with my starting weight. Will that make me do anything about it? Is that motivating? Would people support me, or just kind of let it go because they don't want to embarrass me? I could even allow myself to watch my favorite TV only if I'm on my recumbent bike. I wouldn't have to go fast and furious.....just go, at this point!

Well....I'm going to think about this.....yanno.....weigh my options (OMG, I am funny!). I'll let you know what I come up with.

What Shape Are You?

Are you pear shaped?
Hour-glass shaped?
What about the inverted triangular shape?
You can often find clothing which best suits your shape, so this is information you need to know!
Have you got a big belly?
Are you chesty?
Have you got junk in your trunk?
Are you short, stout, and roundabout?
What shape is THAT?!?
What if you are all of that, or God Forbid....NONE of that!?!
Well, here is what I have determined:
I am Helen-Shaped.
I used to have smaller areas, now I have bigger ones. I'm a size 16, not a size 8 anymore. I would like to know when the catalogs will add helen-shaped to their clothing choices...the talk shows will address the helen-shapes out there for makeovers.....when will they tell helen-shapers what not to wear?
I am Helen-shaped.
Welcome to my world.

Oh, the Agony of...

de feet, de knee, de elbow, de shoulder. What the heck's happening to me? Dare I say that my aging self is getting old. And, am I turning into my mother by telling you about it?

What's next? Ben-Gay, Depends, an Orthopedic Doc on speed dial? :)
Did you know that just after I turned 40, I got a letter from AARP? Are you F-ING SERIOUS???? My name shouldn't be on that spam list for QUITE some time. They must've realized their mistake because I didn't hear from them again, but dang, they really know how to hurt a girl.

Have I told you that oftentimes...in fact, most of the time, I'm asked for my ID at restaurants and the wine store? Have I told you how disappointing it is that it's because I put "request ID" on the back of all of my credit cards?

I am now starting to understand the need for Dr. Wrinkle Remover. I don't care if my face cracks and doesn't show emotion anymore. Suddenly, the concept makes sense. Luckily, I'm broke so I can't give in to the urge to have things ironed out, lifted up, and tucked in.

Why Isn't Everything Fixed Yet?

DISCLAIMER: I am a Republican, a staunch Repulican. I have always voted as such and am not able to picture myself ever doing otherwise. This post is not a slam on Democrats, but on the expectations placed upon politicians as a whole.

Why isn't everything fixed yet? Why is the economy still bad? Why aren't folks getting Cost-of-Living raises for the 2009-2010 Fiscal Year? Why are people going into foreclosure?

WARNING: Here's where it may get dicey, but stick with my thought process, okay?

Republicans: Why hasn't Obama fixed everything? He's been in for more than 100 days. I didn't vote for him, so he must suck.

Democrats: Why hasn't Obama fixed everything? I put all of my faith in him. There was some resistance to change. I voted for a new type of administration and for change. I voted for him, but nothing has changed, so he must suck.

So, what were our options:
Young, Black, Male, Democrat
Middle-Aged, White, Female, Democrat
Older, White, Male, Republican
Greenies :)....any demographics....

Those were the dynamics from which we had to choose. I'm not sure that any one of those combinations would have been more successful than the others. Switch them around?

• Middle-Aged, Black, Female, Republican?
• Young, White, Female, Democrat?
• Older, Black, Male..........AnyParty
• Younger, White, Female.................AnyParty?
• So many others to create.........
• Really, what would have been the difference?

Why hasn't EVERYTHING been fixed? Weren't we all expecting more from this President because he was the "Out-of-the-Box" choice? He is black. He is young. He is a male with a strong wife, and two very small children. There is a swingset at the White House. There is a vegetable garden at the White House. There is a newly, adopted puppy at the White House.

Are these the things which make him more qualified? Is that why all of our problems should be fixed? Please fill my paycheck with more money on a regular basis! Please provide COL raises for everyone I know!

Folks - this man is not a miracle worker. He is a man, husband, father. Let's not place it all on his shoulders, just as we should not place all of the blame on Bush's shoulders. He, too, was a man, husband, father. Just breathe...

I'm Brilliant because.....

1. I have discovered that PMS stands for Pesky Mood Swings
2. I've figured out how to avoid doing laundry...... febreeze & weekly trips to Target to buy more underwear...... (kidding, but not far away!)
3. I know exactly what movies to put in my 5-disc DVD changer to elicit the tears needed to deal with Pesky Mood Swing - Cry-baby.
4. I have hidden my soon-to-be 15 year old son's birthday gift in the dishwasher.... pretty sure he won't find it between now and his birthday on Friday.
5. Dunkin' Donuts coffee really tastes the best, straight-up black....no cream or sugar needed.

I'm pretty sure there is more corroborating evidence to support my brilliance, but I've got to finally drag me arse to bed after waking up in the middle of the night with the need to document my high level of ability to WOW and WOO my audiences with my ever-exciting adventures and stories. G'night me friends!

I know "Life isn't fair", but.....really? C'mon!!!!

Every November the landscapers in our community will suck up the leaves if we rake them, blow them (the leaves, not the landscapers), or pick them up one by one and put them into the common areas.
Well, I have one Japenese Maple in my backyard. My neighbors have a huge, honkin' regular maple in the backyard which dumps all of its leaves and fargin' gumballs into MY backyard. So, how come I just spent 1.5 hours raking out my backyard (and still have 1/4 of it left to go), and my fargin' neighbor spent 20 minutes and brought out 3 wheelbarrows full. Are you FARGIN' KIDDING ME???? 3 WHEELBARROWS. You may think I'm exaggerating, but really....I'm not!!! I took a picture of my piles, and his little clump of leaves, but I can't find the transfer cord. I'll post them as soon as I find the cord.
I am a 40 year old, 50 lb overweight, single woman with high-blood pressure, asthma, and allergies to the trees from which those leaves came. I have 2 kids, a full-time job, and I go to school. My neighbor is in his 50's, athletic, in great shape, married, no kids, retired military...retired, not working.....
Yanno, 80% of the leaves in my backyard and 100% of the gumballs come from his fargin' tree!!!! But, I sure am glad that he got his 3 wheelbarrows full outta his yard.....And, DON'T EVEN get me started on the front yard!!!

Fall sucks!

Okay. Here are the pics. Guess which one is mine?

Repairs Needed

So many things broken, so little time....

My dryer isn't drying;

My freezer isn't sealing;

My heat pump doesn't turn on.

Then........ there's me!

I have the flu...

Fever;

Chills;
Aches;

Exhaustion;

Raw throat.

I've got space heaters running, my freezer is held closed with duct tape, and I've got laundry all over the place. It hurts when I move, and it's hard to stay awake for too long.

Where's MY Fairy Godmother???!!???

How much do I LOVE......

**that I regularly have trouble finding my cell phone in my purse.

**that I drive past my Ex & his new wife going to or from work on an almost daily basis.

**that I look in the mirror and am surprised to find that I'm not cute anymore, just older and fatter.

**that my children are not in my presence every single day of my life.

**that others are "bringing sexy back", yet I brought it out back and beat the shit out of it.

**that a review of my "lack of love" life brings me to the revelation that I obsessed over one guy (NO...not my ex-husband) for the last few years and allowed myself to be hurt when it proved to be nothing.

**that I don't have porch furniture and can't sit out on my back deck and enjoy the change in the weather.