When did Cystic Fibrosis get here?

I know Ginny was diagnosed when she was 3 months old. It's a genetic disease, thus determined from conception. Before we knew it was CF, there were many tests done while in the hospital to figure out why she wasn't gaining weight, had anemia, vitamin E deficiency, etc. Once diagnosed and on the correct meds, things improved and life settled in.

Over the years, Ginny has had colds, coughs, strep, ear infections, etc. Those have been easily resolved with anti-biotics. Her lung function (PFTs) has always been in the 107% - 118% - ideally, you want your lungs to function at 100% so she's been in GREAT shape!

Ginny's weight was a struggle until they introduced us to "the hungry pill" (don't remember the medical name). The goal was to have her BMI above the 50th percentile. She was usually no higher than the 20th until that medication. They had started hinting at a G-tube, but we told them to come up with something else. They did. Within 4 months of being on "the hungry pill", her BMI% shot from 21% to 49%.

Don't get me wrong.....we've had our stressors and struggles with all of the appts, meds issues, germ warfare, insurance, trying to gain weight, trying to kick colds/coughs, etc. But, after the initial difficulties, we settled into daily life with CF......

...... That is, until her PFTs dropped to 89%....... we upped her meds, increased nebs, added Cipro and were to return in 1 month to check again............ they dropped to 81%...... *THUD*.....

She was admitted to the hospital -
She was in for 1 week of IV anti-biotics, respiratory therapy 4x/day, Chest PT 3x/day, and food galore. Just as she was finishing breakfast, snack would arrive - when that was done, lunch was delivered and all meals/snacks were wrapped around all of the other therapies. She has come home with a PICC line so she can continue the IV anti-biotics. There are 4 per day and we had to really schedule things carefully to fit them in with the proper spacing between - not to mention that thing called school, maybe even life.


Guess I can no longer live in my happy, little denial about CF. It's always been there, but now it's sitting at the table.

Well, it did something....

Ok, so my previous post was about "how to and what would" motivate me to do something about my weight. I thought maybe I would need to post a picture of myself in workout clothing for the world to see, post my weight, cry and say I want to do this just as they do on The Biggest Loser. I decided not to do that. Actually, I didn't really decide to do anything. But, I have tried something I've been thinking about for some time.

I've got a lot of shows on TV that I like. I Tivo them so I don't have to watch commercials or so that I can watch those that I would miss. I love Reality TV and catch almost all of those. I like the evening dramas, too: Brothers & Sisters, Housewives, Grey's, Private Practice...well, you get the idea. I like TV. I do multi-task when I watch TV. I'm usually doing something on the computer. But, there are times that I'm just piddling or playing around on the computer. I don't HAVE to be on the computer. So, I wondered what would happen if I put a condition on my shows. I can watch them from the recumbent bike. Not all of them, although I'd probably lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks :).

So, 4 times since my Tuesday blog, I watched a show from my bike. It was actually pretty easy. During one of the shows, I did 40 minutes. I don't think this would work as well while watching a soap opera, or Rachael Ray. Those are slow-paced. I have been doing it through shows like Castle, and the Forgotten....those can be intense, exciting, fast-paced, even a bit of ass-kicking being done. Now, THAT'S how to get pumped! So, rather than mindlessly watching TV, I am mindlessly riding my bike....while watching TV. Not so bad. A friend gave me a good tip and suggested that I not make a goal of "X" mins per day, but "X" mins per week. That way, I won't feel like a failure if I only do 15 minutes one day. I still did something toward my goal of 100 minutes per week.

THINKABOUT: Do I love it? Nope! Do I hate it? Not really. Can I do it? Well, I am right now. I'll take that for what it is and keep trying.

How did this happen?

How did I get so heavy? Well, I mean....I know how it happened.....so, maybe I should be asking myself why? And, why can't I get myself to stop? At least I have stopped gaining weight...it only took 3 years and 50 lbs. I've quit some bad habits, but added others which is how I got here.
"Two Roads diverged...." Robert Frost
Why didn't I take the other one? Well, I can't change what I did. But, I really should try to see if I can find my way back to that spot rather than just sitting on the large bottom that I have given myself.

So..............
I'm watching The Biggest Loser because I'm a Reality TV junkie. The big question was whether or not these folks would get up in front of the family, friends, and community with their shirts off, and bellies hanging out as they stepped on the scale and announced their starting weight.

What I really should do is challenge myself. I should post a picture of myself in shorts and a cropped workout tank along with my starting weight. Will that make me do anything about it? Is that motivating? Would people support me, or just kind of let it go because they don't want to embarrass me? I could even allow myself to watch my favorite TV only if I'm on my recumbent bike. I wouldn't have to go fast and furious.....just go, at this point!

Well....I'm going to think about this.....yanno.....weigh my options (OMG, I am funny!). I'll let you know what I come up with.

Do you know why..........? Because.....

Do you know why Weight Watchers doesn't work for me?
Because.......
Because I don't follow the program. I don't journal, read labels, figure out points, or weigh food to re-gain knowledge of portion control.

Do you know why I don't follow the program?
Because.......
Because I'm not motivated. I want to be. I want to be able to walk up the stairs without getting winded. I want to get off my blood pressure medication. I want to come home and wear what I had on during the day instead of changing into sweatpants.

Do you know why I'm not motivated?
Because.......
I'm stuck on this one. I have 2 great kids, 2 great puppies, a home of my own, and a job that I love. It's not a perfect life...there is debt, home & car repairs, parental angst. But, I'm generally pleased with my life.

So.....if you know why? ...... please, clue me in....
Because.......
Because I'm not sure.

I've discovered something...

You can't drive down the highway at 40 miles per hour and switch to reverse.

No, I did not learn this in the car, that is a metaphor. I learned this through experience with my weight. Last year, after some personal heartbreak, family stress, and other external problems, I had a medical issue. It's called THE CREEPS! I had the creeps, my weight was creeping, creeping, and creeping up. I gained 40 lbs over the last year. The Creeps really suck!!!

You can't go from steadily gaining weight to reverse and losing it at the same pace. One must first stop, get into neutral, then you can move into reverse and slowly back up. I started on Jenny Craig in March. Since then, I've not even lost a full 10 lbs. I have been frustrated, annoyed, and really angry with myself for not steadily losing 1 - 2 lbs. per week.

Guess what??!!?? I need to slow down, stop, get into neutral, then....and ONLY then, will I be able to go into reverse.

So, now I will be grateful for the 8 lbs. I've lost and the fact that I'm no longer heading down that highway at the maximum speed. I need to get comfortable with where I am so that I can switch comfortably into reverse. THAT IS MY NEW PLAN!

I am working on taking out some of the bad (fast food), and adding the good (Jenny Craig & salads). I've been increasing my fruit, and found a great salad bar near my work that isn't too expensive.

Here are some of the good & bad coming up:
When the kids are with me, I will have to get up at 5:00am to get Drew to the bus stop. That will suck! However, I will have a chance to get on the recumbent bike and/or balance ball with weights during that early morning time before I take my shower and get Ginny up to leave with her.
I start classes on Tuesday nights and will need to avoid the fast food for dinner in between work & class.

Happy I go with my stop & neutral positions until I'm ready to hit reverse. Good luck to me!

Who's responsible?

Is it me?
Am I responsible for the 40 lbs I gained?
Am I responsible for my divorce?
Am I responsible for turning 40?
Am I responsible for all of my poor choices?
AM I A SCREW-UP????

Yes, I'm responsible for a lot of this. It's my life, and I've screwed it up. Is it my fault that I haven't been to a dentist in 3 years and I have an appointment tomorrow for a deep cleaning due to my pre-periodontal "issues"? Tomorrow is my phase I, and the right side of my face will be numbed for this deep scaling.......and 2 weeks from now, will be the left side. WOW!

Bottom line, am I proud of my lack of action toward taking care of myself over the last year....dentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually? Yeah, that last one......I take full responsiblity for. I don't want God in my life right now because I'm afraid he'll see what a screw-up I am.

So, again, I ask you........Am I a screw-up? Has HE noticed? Will HE still help me if I ask?

The Kidney

OK, so the kids' grandfather died on Sunday, March 2nd. That was a tough night and I sent the kids into school the next day so they could be with their friends and continue with their routine. Was this a good idea? YES. Was it successful? Well..........
Not necessarily.
On Monday, March 3rd, Drew was playing on the playground during a class which had a substitute. He climbed a waist-high ladder and reached for the higher monkey bars. He missed the upper bars, slipped, and landed on the lower ladder bar, then flipped over it.
When I picked him up that afternoon, he told me about the fall and complained that he couldn't take a deep breath. I had concerns that he may have hurt his ribs, broken them, punctured his lung and would explode at some point during the week. So, I took him to the evening clinic to check out those ribs........
No, the doctor poked around and noted that the pain was not in his ribs, but lower and he seemed to have more pain in his kidney area. He called for a urinalyses.
Guess What??? That showed that there was blood in his urine!!!
The Peds Doc told us that we had to go to the Emergency Room for further testing because he had SIGNIFICANT blood in his urine. The options would run anywhere from "watching him to surgery". NICE!!!!
The decision was to watch him even though there was visible blood in his urine. I spent the rest of the week viewing his urine. Well.........I haven't done that since he was a toddler, but I could see the dark color which indicated the high level of blood.
Who doesn't love spending 5 hours in the ER beginning at 8:00pm?
As long as things didn't get worse, we were cleared to get on the plane for the Funeral on Thursday. A follow-up with his family doctor on Wednesday afternoon showed high levels of urine still in the blood, but 3 days was too soon for surgical intervention.
We were cleared to go ahead with our plans to fly out on Thursday for the funeral..... the flight which would include the kids, their Mom, and ..........Ward's fiancee. I'll move to that story next...........

Darn, I don't have a medical problem!

So, I have no explanation for the constant viral issues I had all summer, the 30 lb weight gain over this year, or the chicken pox-like marks all over my legs.
No diabetes, cholesterol, or the ever-hoped for Thyroid problem to explain why my arse doesn't fit into any of my pants.
So, the diagnosis is: Fat and scaly, but otherwise, healthy..........great!